i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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