First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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