Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
