I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
