Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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