a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
