I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
whose parrot is this?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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