i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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