can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
