Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
