He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize