My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize