I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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