A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
