just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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