i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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