Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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