If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
