And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
