so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
