I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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