He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize