i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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