Im at strip club and am horny
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
