i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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