heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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