Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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