He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
