you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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