Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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