The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
