If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
