i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize