seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
