so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
