Nicole vs. Life
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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