Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a hot homeless man
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
