I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
