Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
