If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
