i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
