I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
