i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
