The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
