im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize