So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
