he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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