don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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