so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
