id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
