I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
