someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize