yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
