My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
