She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize