i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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