i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
