I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
4 words: hood of his car
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize