I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Someone stole a lamp last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
