i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
