Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
porn star boner night. come get it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
