well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
