I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
