he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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