Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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