He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
