Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Randomize
