i wish starbucks made bloody marys
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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