This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
