Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
