woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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