porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
