A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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