so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
