I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
