dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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