Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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