If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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