There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
