So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
