Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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