The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
