whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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