just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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