Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
