that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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