She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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