guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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