you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
