I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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