I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
