Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
