so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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