If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
