I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
