Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
