I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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