My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
