i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize