Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
