their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
