The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
