get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
