The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What a dumb baby whore.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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