Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
