2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize