3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
